I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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