If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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