Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
