I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
