It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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