drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
