So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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