You're my little dorito
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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