you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
