It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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