The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
