I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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