So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
