i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
