yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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