Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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