Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
