dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
