If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
