i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was born a porn star she said
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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