no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
