Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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