i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
