Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
