I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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