can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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