please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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