Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
