i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
