guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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