Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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