Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Green mimosas i think yes
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
