i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
