It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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