he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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