id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
