Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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