Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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