I'm laying in your front yard are you home
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
