You just made me feel so damn special
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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