I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
