I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
