we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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