I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
