I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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