11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
