Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
