Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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