I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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