just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
