Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
