My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
