I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
