she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
