Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
