3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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