see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
