i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
