it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
