Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
