if i can run in heels then i can drive
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
