please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
