Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
