We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
