But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
