ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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