I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
