she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
