dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
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He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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