so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
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