I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
