Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
