If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the room spins SO much faster in panama
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
